My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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