my being single is dangerous.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
