He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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