I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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