girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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