I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
