It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
