11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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