1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Got a toothbrush?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
