she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
