Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
