Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
