They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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