how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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