I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
