I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
