Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
