So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
