Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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