Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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