Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
