BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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