My friends, they love my intelligence
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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