yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
