Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We need to rekindle our bromance
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
