I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
