I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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