Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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