He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just cropdusted the office
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
