You really coming over, don't trick.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
