It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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