i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
