i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
