Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
