I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
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