Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
