Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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