is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
BRING THE BAGELS
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
