I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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