Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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