So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
