for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
