He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
