so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
