if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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