I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I fill condoms, not promises.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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