kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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