Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We need to feng shui this bitch.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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