I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
