the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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