the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
