is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
last night I used snow as a chaser
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